Click here to read part 12:
Feeling nervous, I was waiting at the bus station for Frankie to arrive. The brat had just sent me pictures of myself sleeping in different pairs of Goodnites, threatening to send them to my entire Facebook if I didn’t wait for her.
I didn’t know what to do, but I had to play it safe. That girl was crazy enough to do it. I needed a plan, fast.
There she was.
Frankie: You’ve been a bad girl Ashley… a very bad girl.
She walked over to me, her purse on the arm looking like a mother, gently scolding me like I was her misbehaving child.
Frankie: Lucky for you, I’m willing to forget about your little escape. I already told Grandma Sally and my mom we were out for the day, but I see you’re not dressed accordingly.
She pulled at the waistband of my jogging pants.
Frankie: This is not the kind of ‘’training pants’’ you usually wear, is it? And going commando? Now that’s just naughty. Let’s go get you changed before you make a mess.
Ashley: What the fuck do you want Frankie?
I snapped. I had enough of her bullshit. I knew she had dirt on me, I knew she could now ruin more than my family life, but my entire social life as well, but at that moment I didn’t care. If she did, she’d have no more leverage and I’d be free. Disgraced perhaps, but her puppet no more. Tears were falling down my eyes. It was about time I told her what I thought.
Ashley: Do you enjoy doing this to me? You’ve destroyed my relationship with our family, you humiliated me, made me become the equivalent of a toddler, wearing Pull-Ups. You made me piss myself for christ sake. You made me wear diapers like a helpless child, you made me feel embarrassed about myself. You made my aunt infantilize me and insult me. What is it all for? What have I ever done to you to justify this treatment? I’m sick of pretending it’ll get better because it clearly won’t. The longer I let this go on, the more you’ll take advantage of me and regress me until I end up…. what? How low would you like me to be? You want to see me in diapers 24/7 like a 2 year old? Do you want to see me crap myself too? Be in charge of changing my dirty diapers everyday? Is that what you want?! IS THAT IT?
Frankie considered me with a funny look for a moment. I was out of breath, I had screamed everything at her while she had remained calm and listened.
Frankie: Sure Ash. Blame it all on me if you wish. After all, I was the one who suggested you wear Goodnites at night. Was I wrong? Didn’t you need them when you wet the bed? Then Grandma Sally made you wear them in the day – not my idea – but what she wrong? Didn’t you need it when you peed yourself yesterday?
Ashley: You told her I wet my Goodnites on the first night and I did not! You told her I had an accident on the soccer field and I did not! You made her believe I needed the Goodnites.
Frankie: Okay I got my part of responsibility. I don’t deny it. I had my fun with you. 2 of your accidents I invented, but 2 of them we’re real and you can’t deny it. Deep down Ashley, you know you deserve what happened to you.
Ashley: I…. I woke up dry this morning!
Why did I say that? That was such a childish thing to brag about. Like it excused the fact that I pissed my pants the day before. There’s a million other things I could’ve said about the cruel treatment I endured… why take this childish tone? Was she right? Was I subconsciously longing for her to take care of me? No… It couldn’t be.
Besides, who in their right mind would want to be taken care of my a psychopathic creep like her. She said so herself, she enjoys playing with me like I’m her baby… freaky Frankie. Shit, I really needed to leave before they made me go nuts.
Frankie: I know honey, I found your diaper in the trash. That’s good, you did well. For that reason and because you decided to stay, I’ll let you wear Pull-Ups today. No diaper. Happy?
Ashley: I didn’t decide to stay! You threatened me to release pictures of me diapered.
Frankie: A little incentive, maybe. But you stayed all the same right? Come on, you couldn’t do this to me on my birthday!
Ashley: Your… birthday?
Frankie: That’s right, I’m finally turning 16 today! And we’re gonna celebrate!
Ashley : Doing what exactly…?
Frankie: I don’t know, this is such a shit hole of a town… You’re the ‘adult’ here, what would you do on your birthday?
What would I do…? Then it dawned on me. I saw the opportunity to get the revenge I so desperately needed. I thought back to what my cousin Nancy, Frankie’s mom, had told me the day before. Her little misadventure.
Ashley: Well…. what I would do for my b-day is… Oh. Right no, forget it. You’re too young for that.
Frankie: What? What is it? Hey… don’t tell me I’M too young, you’re the one who wore a diaper yesterday.
Ashley: Your mom wouldn’t approve…
Frankie: Who cares? Besides I know you can’t snitch on me, I’ve got way too much on you! Come on, spit it out.
I saw it in her then, the 16 year old. Where before I only saw a psychopathic desire to humiliate and hurt, I now realized the teenager she really was. Looking for approval above all, wanting to prove herself, to be accepted, to be cool.
Ashley: Well… if it was my birthday I would go out to get a drink.
She looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes shadowed by a shred of mistrust.
Frankie: But you’re not even 21…
Ashley: I know how to get drinks if I want to. I’ve gotten drunk with friends plenty of times since I was 16. But if you’re too much of a baby…
Frankie: Nuh-uh! YOU’RE the baby. Which makes me think : go put your Pull-Ups on before you pee yourself! I didn’t bring spare pants for you. Then we’ll take a walk and… maybe get drinks later on. Go!
She threw her purse at me. I looked inside it. Among her personal items lied 2 unfolded Goodnites and one of the night-time diapers I had worn to bed the night before.
Frankie: I figured if you wet your trainers twice today you’ll deserve the diapie don’t you think? You kinda leaked yesterday, remember?
I shrugged, but didn’t reply. I took the bag and walked over to the bus stop’s restroom.
Frankie: My phone ain’t in there by the way, I still got the pictures! Don’t try to pull a fast one on me.
I’m sure you do.
In the bathroom stall I pulled my jogging pants down without removing my shoes. I took out one of the Goodnites, it was purple with the usual butterflies pattern. I was so used to wearing them now that it didn’t even bother me. It was a familiar feeling. I kinda viewed them as regular underwear.
Besides… they weren’t so different after all. Okay they weren’t the sexiest under the sun, but I had never been fond of thongs and lace. My regular undies looked more like those Pull-Ups than they looked like a G-String. They were mostly plain or had a cute design with a bow on the front.
The Goodnites we’re only embarrassing because of their purpose. Because of the association with Huggies Pull-Ups. Because of the thickness, the padding meant to absorb any little ‘’accident’’. The tear-open tabs on the side that recall training panties. The fact they were meant for little girls who can’t help wetting themselves. There was also the tell-tale crinkling that always reminded me it was a diaper in panties’ clothing…
Okay, maybe it didn’t have anything to do with regular underwear after all. Maybe they were closer to the diapers we make toddlers wear when they’re not potty trained…
Why was I even justifying it all? Trying to downplay the humiliation they made me feel I suppose.
My mind was unraveling as I lifted up my sneakers-clad feet and slipped them through the holes of my ‘’undies’’. I lifted the Goodnites up my legs with the usual ‘’I’m a big girl now’’ image in my head.
When I had woken up that morning I hadn’t thought I’d be putting them back on ever again, let alone so soon, but I had a plan now. I just needed to play along with Frankie one more time, then I’d be free.
I put my jogging pants back over the butterfly-covered Pull-Ups. It was probably the most concealing pair of trousers I had put over my training panties so far.
I took out my cellphone and searched for Nancy’s number.
Ashley: Hey Nance… it’s Ash. Listen, I’m in this situation here and I think there’s something you should know…
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