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My spoon found its way into my mouth for the first time since I had sat down at the kitchen table. I was too busy looking around to feed myself, nervous that someone might walk in.
Casey was sitting on the other side, calm as ever. She didn’t seem to particularly enjoy my misery, which was a nice change of pace, although she was immensely curious about the whole thing.
Casey: Isn’t this strange? I mean, no offense I get that you need them, but I could never imagine myself wearing… diapers, at our age.
I swallowed another bite in silence.
Casey: Do you even remember what normal panties feel like? The thin fabric between your legs… not the thick bulky padding of that diaper… and, you know, whatever you fill it up with.
Ashley: I’ve been here for a week Casey, I think I can remember what panties feel like.
Casey: Right, but you wore Pull-Ups before that, didn’t you? That still counts as a diaper in my book.
Ashley : It was only at night… and that was a few years ago!
Casey: I don’t get it though… didn’t your mother teach you how to use the potty by now? How come a 19 year old still have bladder control problems. Are you sick or something?
Ashley: I am NOT sick. I’m telling you, I was completely… potty trained… before I got here.
God I hated the way I said it. “Potty trained” like I should even justify my toilet training. I never had a single accident in almost 2 years now. Before coming to that place. Then again, I was now sitting down at the kitchen table, it was almost the middle of the day and I was wearing a full-on adult diaper as if I was incontinent. Not my finest hour.
Ashley: The point is… I didn’t need it before… and I still don’t now! I woke up dry, didn’t I?
Casey: Did you ever go… you know, number 2… in them?
I almost choked on my cereal. Couldn’t she couldn’t hear a word of what I was saying.
Ashley: Excuse me?!
Casey: Come on Ash, were just the two of us, you can tell me. I promise, I won’t judge! I’m just asking cause, you know, I’m kinda paid to watch over you… not that I mind, but… I’m wondering what I’m in for here…
Ashley: Don’t worry about me. I’m gonna be fine.
Casey: I’m just thinking if I’m gonna have to change you…
Ashley: You will NOT have to change me. And I never did…. that. For fucks sake, that’s disgusting Casey.
Casey: Aw don’t take it like that, you’re so defensive, look at you! I’m on your side Ash, okay?
At that moment, I heard a click followed by the patio door sliding open on the other side of the kitchen. My heart rate doubled instantly I suddenly became extremely self-conscious about my predicament.
Pressing my thighs against one another, feeling the plastic-coated fabric between my legs. The table above was the only thing partially hiding my babyish undergarment. I pulled my chair closer and leaned over my cereal, which were soaked in milk by now. I heard voices chatting merrily as they came in. It was Nancy and Joyce.
Joyce: Oh there you are Ashley, we missed you this morning sleepyhead! Oh, I see you invited a friend over, how nice! I’m Joyce, Ashley’s cousin and this is my older sister, Nancy.
Nancy: We met briefly yesterday. I’m Frankie’s mother. It’s unfortunate we had to meet in these circumstances, but I’m glad you’re here.
Joyce: Really, what happened? No one ever tells me anything…
Casey: It’s my pleasure, honestly, I’m happy to help out in any way I can.
Nancy: How are you holding up Ash? I hope our mom wasn’t too hard on you. This whole thing will be over soon.
Her eyes met mine in an awkward encounter, as if she could see my padded bum right through that table. I shifted my legs, trying the best I could to minimize the crinkling plastic noise it produced.
Ashley: It’s… I’m okay, Nance. Thank you.
Nancy: After what happened I don’t think Frankie will do any more mischief. I will see to it.
Joyce : Can someone tell me what’s going on?
Nancy: Not now, Joyce. Let’s get you that beer you so desperately wanted. It was nice to meet you…
Casey: Casey! And the pleasure is all mine. I better get back to my little friend who’s not eating anything! Come on Ash, we got a full day ahead of us. Here let me help.
She grabbed my spoon and began to scoop some of my mushy cereal, much to my dismay.
Casey: Here comes the plane, say ahh!
I reluctantly opened my mouth as she landed that spoon into it. Nancy gave me the strangest look. I swallowed a second bite, hoping my cousins would leave before Casey attracted anymore attention to my childish predicament.
Casey: There you go!
Joyce : Well she certainly is dedicated…
When my two cousins walked past me, Nancy’s gaze lingered and I couldn’t tell for sure if she was surprised or simply curious. Casey kept feeding me, though and I absentmindedly gave in, since saving face was apparently no longer an option.
As soon as they stepped out of the door though, I pushed Casey’s hand away, making her drop the spoon, spilling its contents all over the table.
Ashley: What is wrong with you?!
Casey: Me?! No, what’s the matter with YOU? I’m just trying to speed things up here. It’s nice out and it’s past noon… I don’t want to spend all day inside!
Ashley: You know exactly what you were doing…
Casey: Gee Ash, calm down for a sec… you look like a frightened little girl!
She stared at me for a second, I was no longer touching my breakfast. I looked around to make sure we were alone and I quickly got back on my feet with the firm intention of bolting downstairs as soon as I could.
Casey: …Or maybe you are a frightened little girl. Did you pee your pants?
She taunted me playfully, but I wasn’t in the mood. I took my bowl and headed towards the sink. I jumped when Casey grabbed me by the hand.
Casey: No, seriously. Why are you leaving so quickly, got something to hide? Did you go potty in your diaper, Ashley? Because you sure look like you did. Don’t lie to auntie Casey!
Ashley: I didn’t! How many times do I have to spell it out for you? I. don’t. need. diapers. okay? Let me go!
Casey: Then you don’t mind if I have a quick peek, do you?
Ashley: Yes I do! You let go of me right the fuck now!
I yanked my arm away, furious. That was it. I drew the line and for once in my life I decided it was enough. I was done being a victim.
Casey: Fine. Have it your way then. If you want to walk around in a wet diaper all day, then suit yourself.
Ashley: It is NOT wet. And I will not use it, okay? Get it through your thick skull.
Casey: Oh but you will. One way or another you will end up peeing yourself. I know it and you know it. Your whole family knows it. Why else would you be in a diaper in the first place? This is a game you don’t get to win Ashley. I was willing to be your friend because I know it’s probably not easy to you right now, but it doesn’t seem like you want a friend.
Ashley: Not like you, I’d rather not. You can try to play babysitter all you want, I’m not playing the baby anymore. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go take this goddamn thing off before I murder someone.
I walked away from her, my exposed diapered butt sounding less crinkly than usual, perhaps covered by the imaginary standing ovation roaring in my head.
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